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To Learn is To be Free
Where do you see yourself in five years? There's just something that irks me when I hear this question
Who knows where I'll be in sixty months, I mean do you you know? Do you happen to possess such a rare deep intuitive metapsychic gift because I surely don’t. If you do, I implore you to grab your cellular device and the second you are privy to this amazing revelation, give me a call and inform me immediately of my location come 5 years from now. I would love the extra pointers and some clarity as to where this winded thing called a “career path” that I’ve found myself embarking on will finally end.
I, in no way can accurately and categorically say where and what I will be in 1,820 days and unless there’s a well-lit crystal ball tucked away in your jeans pocket, I will take the hesitant assumption that chances are you don’t either.
Guess what? That’s okay. The motto “fake it till you make it” can be deemed as an excellent embodiment of the current psychology that most of us employ. It’s an uncomfortable truth that I think slightly leans towards the side of slight narcissism but at the same time underlines a lot of the actions and behaviour of the typical generation z individual bobbing around trying to get things in order and in somewhat.
I will never forget my interview with Starbucks. I was completely enamoured with the idea of somehow joining the cool existent yet not existent crew of quirky baristas ( I was a little carried away with an illusion). If there ever was a time I walked past a Starbucks spot and glanced at the whizzing infamous green uniforms, the cute golf caps of the employees, the whirring of blenders and thought “having a job there would be so cool” then it would have been often. So, I’m sitting opposite my soon-to-be manager with my stomach in knots and familiar sweaty pools collecting in my palms which is very usual for me in nerve-wracking situations. The interview is going great and then out of nowhere I hear - “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
Whenever I hear this question, my mind somehow starts this rapid loop of thoughts. Thoughts such as “Wow, five years from now, I just hope I can be somewhat sane. University is definitely giving me grey hairs” and “Five years as in 1,820 days from today? I can’t even confidently state what I want for breakfast tomorrow morning, talk less of five years from now”.
I don’t remember my answer, but I do remember the echo of that question ringing relentlessly in my head. I knew the answer that I wanted to genuinely give however I also knew how badly I wanted that cute green apron, cap and personalized chalk board-esque name tag. Needless to say, that regardless of my momentary stumble on that question and possibly a long quiet pause, I babbled, giving somewhat of a coherent answer. I got called for the job three days later. The elusive question however just couldn’t leave my conscious thought space. It was like that annoying piece of dust that was lucky enough to find a cosy spot underneath my eyelid - it's very presence is just aggravating. It was like someone had purposely sneaked right into my mind and pinned the question to my mental memory board and I was having a hard time knocking the pin off and pushing the backspace key on the entire moment. Five years ago it was 2013 where revolutionary singles such as "Harlem Shake" and "Thrift Shop" were breaking new records in the music world, when Jennifer Lawrence made her debut fall at the Oscars. 2013 was the year where new words "twerk" and "selfie" were added to the dictionary and the world welcomed a new pope and a new royal baby. Oh,and the Jonas Brothers broke up. So, if these somewhat unpredictable events could occur, heaven knows what another five years from now will present to us.
The idea of this question somehow points to the strange fact that the notion of actually attaining the answer to this question will somehow be fulfilling and helpful. Perhaps, this can be true. It would be very helpful to know for example that the Leaving Cert/A-levels is a just a miniature storm amongst the many storms that will thunder on my parade as life goes on. They are not the end of the world or the be all and end all.
I think that sometimes we as humans like the idea of control. We like it when things are planned out according to our liking. We like the idea of mapping out our steps before we take them. It gives us assurance. The ability to control is an innate feeling but seeing as life is the antithesis of such, we are forced to share the steering wheel with fate, hope and a bit of luck.
Ideally, we can think that it would be amazing to know exactly what and where we would be in 5,10,15 years from now. To be ahead of the master plan, to know where your trajectory is heading and not have to play this fumbling game of “who am I, what am I doing with my life” phase seems rather nice. But truly, I don’t think that this would be anymore pleasing/gratifying to the soul. True, we would be aware of our next pit stop in the grans scheme of things but the journey to get that pit-stop is not one that we are ever privy of knowing. There are a myriad of journeys that we could essentially take to finding that dream career, getting that awesome car you’ve been wanting for years or going to that dream school.
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“To Learn is to be free”
I ended my last year of teenagerdom a month ago and it was a slap in the face to finally confront the fact that I will no longer have the label teen associated with my name anymore. Is this in anyway groundbreaking? Probably not but it's safe to say that it made me pull out a chair, sit down and think about my life for a bit. I am definitely in the “I don’t know phase”. I don’t know what I really want to do with my life. Yes, I study pharmacy, yes I’m passionate about helping people but there's a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that is definitely missing
The "I don’t know phase" seems very shunned and hush hush in this day and age. The digital era of the world at present is fuelled by the constant buzz of engagement, interaction and “go, work, move, do” mantra that it leaves me feeling dizzy sometimes. How do I expect to be so passionate about moving forward, doing things, going places when I don’t have an inkling of where I will actually be ?
For the last three months, I’ve realized that there’s an inherent beauty in the "I don’t know phase". It's kind of like Math. You have a problem but you don’t have the solution yet. So what do you do? You get out your tools. Your pencil, your pen, your sheet of paper but you also rely on a systematic thought process – you use multiplication, division, integration, substitution etc. The buddy beside you who was also diligently working on the same Math problem had his head down and like you,was also busy scribbling. When you guys finally compare answers you come to find that he had used a different method to get his answer, but did get the same answer as you. Different routes - check, same tools used - check, has a goal been met? - check.
Life encompasses a web of many different tracks that are embedded in a blurry, faded, fuzzy landscape with moments of clear leaps above obstacles and unequivocal moments of success that taste absolutely amazing. It's these particular moments that honestly make the journey worth while.
The primary importance is not knowing the final stop but understanding that growth that will inevitably happen along the way which deserves as much attention as the goal/pit-stop itself. The growing process will be painful, tiring (exhausting sometimes) and challenging. It will force you to confront your frame of thought and your ideas. Perhaps, it will challenge your choice of frame and your choice of perspective deeming it possibly necessary to undertake a path to finding a new frame and adopting a new perspective. Growth is never meant to always be enjoyable. Growth is like a healthy smoothie you make once a month. It’s got all the greens that you can’t bear to eat raw but you slurp it down because (a) it's been your third time this week having Chinese takeout and your guilt is unbearable or (b) you just know it’s good for you and you suck it up (pun intended) and get over it .Unlike your daily 5 -a-day, growth isn't a choice. Growth, no matter if this is regular or intermittent, is one of the many journeys we all will embark on.
Learning for a while was mainly a one-dimensional concept for me. I tagged the concept of learning to a specific stereotypical image of school and academia. I guess you learn how to study and you learn and are taught how to be a “good student”, how to take exams, etc. However, life is your second school, the classroom is the world, the paths you embark and the experiences you acquire are akin to your assignments and the home-bell is essentially non-existent because hey life doesn't stop only you do. Whether you realise it or not, you are always learning.
I’m learning that I really need to stop ignoring what I’m truly passionate about. I love to write and the idea of dipping some of my toes into new territories - like journalism and editorial writing seems like wisps of a dream world that my fingertips can’t seem to reach just yer. I also love poetry and have twenty or so poems stuffed away in a trunk somewhere at home collecting dust. Sometimes, I find that learning about yourself is a journey in itself. We grow to inhabit the bodies we are given and we are taught to to learn the basics - saying your name, learning your ABC's, riding your first bike, getting your first money gift from the Tooth fairy - you know the usual kid stuff. We then proceed through life slowly becoming aware that childhood is possibly the most carefree stage we will ever acheive. You see, no one cares if a kid laughs too much or hugs too tightly. There's no such thing as doing #toomuch as a kid. The philosophy of a child-like innocence is what powers and intensifies the tentacles of a beautiful imagination and a mind space where to dream and aspire for something is not infiltrated by the opinions and doubts of others. Sadly, for a lot of us millennials, we see a gradual depletion in this mentality and slowly we start to get conscious of ourselves. The word sorry becomes a part of our venacular in the most strangest of ways, especially when we don't need to say sorry. We almost fear the disapproval of people with regards to how we are that in actual reality it's like we revere people's ideas of what they think we should be rather than stopping and asking ourselves what we want (cue Ryan Gosling's passionate outburst of "What do you want?" from the Notebook).
You've got to admire and give props to a good soppy romantic film when necessary.
So here’s what I’ve learnt in the last two decades of my life:
If college has taught me anything— besides how to get ready in five minutes even with an agonising headache from last nights all-nighter— it’s that life scares the living daylights out of me. Forget about leg workout days. Life will keep you on your toes so get ready.
Like a lot of young people, I wear the mask of “fake it till you make it” triumphantly over my face secured firmly behind my head but I’m well aware that it’s a facade – a facade that enables me to cope with ever-constant revolving hamster wheel of noise, responsibilities and tasks that are around. It's okay to be aware of this but it's also okay to take a second and just.....breathe
Not knowing is probably the best thing for me – I can’t say that I’m not curious about the future but the more I think about the idea of me being able to have a step by step plan of where I'll be in life, the more unappealing the concept sounds. The unambiguous nature life hands to you and me is almost the thrill of what keeps us on our toes. It's that elusive promise of another day - another chance, another opportunity to possibly bump into the right person, at the right place, at the right time. It’s moments such as these that we can look back on with such fondness and say “that was my lucky day”. This obsession with a laid out pain and full assurance of what is yet to come is a tainted dream through which the idea of “magical moments” are non-existent. Certainty is boring, to be frank.
My focus is primarily on the journey and not just the end goal.
Keep learning, keep growing and keep moving even if you’re next pit-stop is unknown.
“To learn is to be free”
And to be free is well… rather freeing. I want the idea of freedom to be me letting go of regrets, letting go of preconceived notions, letting go of this supposed rigid frame young adults are taught to cling onto that instructs us to go to college, get a degree, get a job and life will be peaches and cool whip. Dive into your passions and if it means rekindling that passion then start. If it means finding a new passion, then start searching. Stagnancy, no matter what you embark is the antithesis of growth and with stagnancy, I wouldn't have the opportunity to appreciate the differences in my 13 year old, 15 year old, 17 year old self.
To learn is to be free and to be free - to leap without several calculated steps, to take a jump into something exciting without with no hesitations, to rip apart the rigid frames that life dictates we stand by and to explore beyond what we are taught to see, read, think, like is truly beautiful.